So, I started running outdoors, alone....by myself...and as the first week is coming to an end the only thing I enjoy about running outdoors....is that I don't have to hold my farts in! People SUCK! Some guy drove by and yelled something at me yesterday. I have no clue what he said because my music was up so loud I only caught it out of the corner of my eye...but I am pretty fucking sure he wasn't asking for my phone number. Then...there are those who stare...there were 2 teenager chicks sitting in parked car and I got all self conscious...and my inner paranoid fat girl starts talking to me..."Those girls are making fun of you...turn at this corner, your house is just right there. QUICK...HIDE...EVERYONE IS STARING..... OMFG! Why are they looking at you, I bet they are laughing and calling you names.." And I kept hearing this in my head...over and over and over...
This is my inner struggle...everyone has one! I really care about what others think of me, even strangers...and the last thing I want is to have my feelings hurt....regardless of who it is. At least 5 times in the 30 minutes I ran yesterday I just wanted to quit and go home....at least at the gym no one really cares...almost no one anyway....
So, next week I am going to try to get the inner skinny girl to come out...and when the inner fat girl starts in, she needs to say something...like.....UP YOURS!
In other news...I am down a total of 22 pounds! YAY! Two more weeks until I get to take my progress pictures and I am CHOMPING at the bit! I can really tell a difference in my clothes finally! I am going to go through all my clothes this weekend....maybe take some pics of things that don't quite fit so I have another comparison for when they do...and I know how much people like to see pictures of progress, I know it motivates me. I can't wait until I get to the point where I actually NEED to buy new clothes! I have clothes in bins and bags that I haven't been able to wear in almost 10 years...I pulled down a few pairs of jeans that fit about 4 years ago and have been wearing them...some are a little snug still but they fit!!!! I guess it is kind of like shopping when you pull things out that still have tags on them.
I use to just buy stuff with out trying it on because I didn't want to get upset at the store and ruin everyone's day with my sour puss mood...so needless to say there are still items with tags.
People suck, but YOU don't. You DON'T suck at life, because you are out there changing what you want to change about yourself. You are beautiful! You can do this, and you will! :) When I run I clean my head, and block EVERYTHING else out.. I don't use 'pump up' music when I run, I put music that makes me think about aspects of my life... it's my time, and I won't let any ass hole try to take MY time away. <3
ReplyDelete<3 Thanks Doll! I am so new to running....and this is mainly why I never tried before...I figure if I can do 2 days by myself for at least a month, I should get to a size that doesn't warrant this kind of behavior...but this is why I can't stand most people!
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