My friend couldn't believe that I put my weight progress chart on instagram. And honestly, I just don't care anymore. I am tired of hiding...I have been hiding my weight from only myself. I figured if I put it out there, and everyone can see it....I can't hide from the ugly truth anymore. I am tired of hiding in pictures, behind clothes, behind jokes I make about myself and most importantly - hiding behind my asthma and osteoarthritis (I used them as excuse as to why I couldn't do things). So, here it is...in all it's grotesque glory!
It is actually two pages! You can't really see all my notes, but I went through and made some notes as to when the last time was I weighed a certain number...so I can try to sort through my memories of how I felt at that weight back then and how much better it feels this time around after being so heavy. Honestly, I never lost weight after I had my daughter in 2001....I was off and on prednisone for 2 years (I gained 20 pounds all together)...I think in the last 10 years I have yo-yo'd so much it just got to me in a bad way...not all the weight gain is from prednisone....I haven't taken that shit in at least 3 or 4 years now....some of it is me getting to a plateau in my weight loss and saying "FUCK IT" and I would go hog wild on food for a few weeks...some of it is having a good time with friends (and drankz, HEY!)....some of it is related to my back and my inability to move around (or so I told myself)....I am tired of being the fat friend, fat mom, fat wife and fat girl! I hate the anxiety I get about running into people I went to HS with or even college and having that fear of "OMG, I just know they will tell everyone GUESS WHO GOT FAT!" I know I am right....because I have been on the receiving end of that phone call a few times...I might laugh, poke a few jokes...but deep down it breaks my heart....even if it is some dumb bitch who was mean...mostly because I just wonder what people say about me. I have tried to not give a shit....but I for some strange reason I value what others think of me...even if it has nothing to do with who I am as a person! Anyway, I am rambling..
Here is my 8 week progress pic...which I am not going to share on instagram just yet...I have made wonderful progress and have showed some ladies...but I am just no ready to share it on my personal social media sites...as it is now I doubt anyone I know is reading my blog.... ;)
Poor fatty on the far left...she can't even fit in the whole frame! LOL! So, picture on the left was taken December 15-ish of 2012 at a whopping 247! At this point my back was in such bad shape I had to sit down to get dressed, I had a hard time shaving my legs, even the motions of going to the bathroom was challenging to say the least....The picture in the middle was taken January 15-ish at 233. This girl was having an easier time getting dressed, but underwear was still a task that had to be done sitting down...the picture on the left was taken Feb. 18th - at 226.9...Today I no longer need to sit to get dressed, shaving my legs is much easier and the only time I have pain in my back is getting up in the morning and after the gym.
So, there you have it! To some people it may not seem like much...especially if you have never really been heavy (and when I talk heavy, I am talking OVER 200 lbs...cause quite frankly I hate hearing people bitch about "I am so fat, I gained 3 pounds" when they barely weigh 130!).....I am proud of what I have accomplished so far....I can now jog for up to 15 min. on the treadmill, asthma and all. I have never been a runner...never really tried! I run in my first 5K on March 2nd and have already planned 3 more! I love who I am becoming!
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