Random Thoughts on a Tuesday

YES!  It is time for my random thoughts on this fine Tuesday morning (or afternoon depending on where you are at!!)


SKINNY GIRLS GET MADE FUN OF TOO!

Okay, so how many fluffy girls have this fear of going to the gym, feeling like you are working your ass off and you get this feeling like a small group of people (or maybe just one skinny biotch) are pointing, giggling and maybe snapping some pictures of you to post into cyber space????  I KNOW I can not be the only one who gets paranoid about this.  Well, last night at the gym there was this teeney-tinay girl JAMMING on the elliptical.  She was going so fast she reminded me of a fairy cause her feet practically were coming off the pedals.  This family - dad, mom and daughter all got on the row of treadmills directly behind "tinkerbelle" (I am going to call her tinkerbelle).  This mom and daughter are making jokes and acting like her on thier treadmills...it really made me mad!  Then, I saw the daughter take out her phone and record tinkerbelle.  She told her mom she would "tag her" in the video!  I was furious!  I felt so bad for tinkerbelle that when I walked by her on my way out of the gym (She was jamming on that thing for AT LEAST an hour cause that is how long I was there) I smiled at her....She smiled back.  I really didn't know what to do...but I just wanted to let all the bigger, fluffy gals out there know that it does happen to skinny people too!

BABY SHOWER MAYHEM!

So, the baby shower I had was a huge success and Mama to be was very happy!  It was a wild and crazy day to say the least!  All the hubby's went golfing - which they are never allowed to go anywhere with out the ball and chain again !  They got shit faced, tipped over carts, threw up on chicks, lost balls everywhere and a few of them passed out once they got in the car to go home!  The boys didn't even finish the game!  Below are a few pics of the from the shower!  I made all the decorations myself ~ and all the food was gluten free!

Here are some pictures

AWESOME Gluten Free Cake!  Different texture, kinda like cornbread ~ but the middle was delicious!  Chocolate!

Home made Mounds balls...these were a hit, and they are very easy to make!

The frickin ducks were drunk!  We could not get them to float in the damn punch bowl to save our lives...



The food!  I highly suggest doing a sandwich bar...very easy and there is something there for everyone!

On to the decor!  The theme was polka dots and lady bugs!  Colors were various shades of purple and yellow!

This last one is hard to see...but there are little lady bugs hanging on all the windows!

I have asked all my friends to A) NOT have any more kids...we are all too damn old for this!  and 2) Do not let me offer to throw any kind of party when I am drinking....  I love my BFF to pieces and while I had help with the food and setting up...these decorations were a pain in my ass.  I knew what I wanted to do but nothing came pre-made!  My wrist hurt so bad from all the cutting and gluing.... 

I do love to entertain my friends though...I like having my house full of close friends, laughing, telling jokes and making memories!  I just don't want to ever have to decorate like this again!

FIRST 5K IS SATURDAY....AND I AM FREAKING THE F OUT!

My first 5K is Saturday and I am stressing the ever-loving F**K out!  Last night was my first time back to the gym in 4 days (I have had a lot of family members trying to die on me...).  Last night I could barely jog for 5 minutes before my asthma started to kick in!  My legs and feet wanted to go but I was gasping for air like I had been holding my breathe under water for 20 minutes!  So, I am just going to have to wear a bandanna over my face on Saturday so no one sees me doing this because you do get a lot of stares....plus it is a color run so I have a reason to wear it over my face.  I was hoping to be farther along than where I am at...but whattareyagonnado????  That's right....CARRY ON!  Wish me luck in that I am not the last bitch crossing the finish line...that is all I really care about! 

8 Week Progress Report

I have been at it for 8 weeks now!  I finally broke through my 3 week plateau and have officially lost 21 pounds since Dec. 15th-ish!  I really struggled mentally last week...I ate like crap over the weekend and I was shocked when I stepped on the scale Monday morning and found that I had broken my plateau!  Weekends have been challenging because we seem to never be home...and I have a REALLY hard time saying no to food...I am good at only having small portions though.  I don't want to tell myself I can't have anything so I have been focusing on portion control for now.  I also know that my stomach has shrank and not as much can fit in there anymore so I pay attention to that satisfied feeling more than ever before...before I would eat until it hurt to sit!

My friend couldn't believe that I put my weight progress chart on instagram.  And honestly, I just don't care anymore.  I am tired of hiding...I have been hiding my weight from only myself.  I figured if I put it out there, and everyone can see it....I can't hide from the ugly truth anymore.  I am tired of hiding in pictures, behind clothes, behind jokes I make about myself and most importantly - hiding behind my asthma and osteoarthritis (I used them as excuse as to why I couldn't do things).  So, here it is...in all it's grotesque glory! 

It is actually two pages!  You can't really see all my notes, but I went through and made some notes as to when the last time was I weighed a certain number...so I can try to sort through my memories of how I felt at that weight back then and how much better it feels this time around after being so heavy.  Honestly, I never lost weight after I had my daughter in 2001....I was off and on prednisone for 2 years (I gained 20 pounds all together)...I think in the last 10 years I have yo-yo'd so much it just got to me in a bad way...not all the weight gain is from prednisone....I haven't taken that shit in at least 3 or 4 years now....some of it is me getting to a plateau in my weight loss and saying "FUCK IT" and I would go hog wild on food for a few weeks...some of it is having a good time with friends (and drankz, HEY!)....some of it is related to my back and my inability to move around (or so I told myself)....I am tired of being the fat friend, fat mom, fat wife and fat girl!  I hate the anxiety I get about running into people I went to HS with or even college and having that fear of "OMG, I just know they will tell everyone GUESS WHO GOT FAT!"  I know I am right....because I have been on the receiving end of that phone call a few times...I might laugh, poke a few jokes...but deep down it breaks my heart....even if it is some dumb bitch who was mean...mostly because I just wonder what people say about me.  I have tried to not give a shit....but I for some strange reason I value what others think of me...even if it has nothing to do with who I am as a person!  Anyway, I am rambling..

Here is my 8 week progress pic...which I am not going to share on instagram just yet...I have made wonderful progress and have showed some ladies...but I am just no ready to share it on my personal social media sites...as it is now I doubt anyone I know is reading my blog....  ;)

Poor fatty on the far left...she can't even fit in the whole frame!  LOL!  So, picture on the left was taken December 15-ish of 2012 at a whopping 247!  At this point my back was in such bad shape I had to sit down to get dressed, I had a hard time shaving my legs, even the motions of going to the bathroom was challenging to say the least....The picture in the middle was taken January 15-ish at 233.  This girl was having an easier time getting dressed, but underwear was still a task that had to be done sitting down...the picture on the left was taken Feb. 18th - at 226.9...Today I no longer need to sit to get dressed, shaving my legs is much easier and the only time I have pain in my back is getting up in the morning and after the gym. 

So, there you have it!  To some people it may not seem like much...especially if you have never really been heavy (and when I talk heavy, I am talking OVER 200 lbs...cause quite frankly I hate hearing people bitch about "I am so fat, I gained 3 pounds" when they barely weigh 130!).....I am proud of what I have accomplished so far....I can now jog for up to 15 min. on the treadmill, asthma and all.  I have never been a runner...never really tried!  I run in my first 5K on March 2nd and have already planned 3 more!  I love who I am becoming!

Random Thoughts on a Tuesday!

I struggle with coming up with interesting stuff to say....so, this is what I have been thinking about.

#1)  I am throwing a baby shower for one of my best friends this Saturday.  She suffers from Celiac's and I have to say to EVERYONE who eats Gluten Free...you are bad ass!  I struggled with the menu...shit, I still haven't finished making up the menu yet...Gluten is in E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!!!!!  I really don't want her to worry about what she can and can't eat...being pregnant is hard enough, I don't need her vomiting or shitting her pants on my watch.  So far, I am doing a Veggie Tray, Relish Tray, Gluten Free Ranch, Guacamole, Salsa, Tortilla Chips (which I have been told are Gluten Free....), Sandwich Bar (I will need to get a few different kinds of G.F. breads) Egg Salad, Tuna Salad....The cake will be G.F. thanks to another bestie who took care of hunting down a place that would do one....Oh, and I found a recipe for Mounds that is G.F.  I have an OCD habit of serving too much food then I am stuck grazing on it for a few days because I hate to waste food....I should be okay with just this, right? 

Here is a sample of all the crafting I started doing Sunday night....my hands hurt from cutting so many circles...I promise to post pictures of the finished set up!  I always love to look through party decor!

#2)  My 11 year old daughter has been driving me up the fucking wall....yesterday she talked to me for an HOUR about JUSTINFUCKINGBIEBER!  "Momma, did you know JB's fav color is purple.  Mine is purple too!"  "Momma, see these shoes...I want some cause they are JB's fav shoes"  "Mama, watch this video of JB's laughing!"  "Mama, watch this video of JB taking his jacket off"  OMFG!  I am trying REALLY hard to not consume alcohol anymore....once a month...but at the rate this has been going, it might be safer for her if I take back that rule....Her room is covered in JB posters...which doesn't bother me...I was a NKOTB fan and my room was waaaaaay worse. (insert old woman's voice here) But when I was a kid, we didn't have technology like this....I had to record the new kids on Oprah (nice to know that Oprah's name appears in Spell Check!  That is how you know you have made it, when your name appears in spell check!) on a VCR tape!  LOL!  And, my dad made me wait till he went to bed to watch it....I feel like a bad mom if I ignore her because she is an only child and she gets all butt hurt if I do!  Hence, if I was drunk I could ACT like I gave two shits!

#3)  My 13 year wedding anniversary is coming up in May....I am trying to be creative and surprise him!  I also would like to be down at least another 20 lbs...I have not worn sexy things since before I had my daughter....who is 11.  I want to be cute in clothes again....and sooner rather than later....  =D

Crock Potting!

I was making all my dinners in the crock pot - last week I tried to mix it up a bit and did salads and protein shakes.  I didn't lose any weight last week.  Went back to my crock pot meal plan and dropped 3 pounds over night.  I think this is the way to go for a while...at least until the weather is nicer and we can BBQ again. 

I made the BEST chicken noodle soup in the crock pot last night!  It was my first attempt at a homemade soup and I am in love!  Next week I think I am going to try a minestrone soup.  I have to share the recipe ~ I kinda just made it up after looking at a few different recipes.

1.5 pounds of chicken breast - cut into tiny bite sized pieces
1 cup of diced baby carrots
1 cup of diced celery
1/2 of an onion diced
1 cup of mushrooms, sliced
5 cloves of garlic, pressed
4 cups of low fat / low sodium chicken broth
4 tablespoons of Thyme
2 bay leaves
2 teaspoons of sea salt
1/2 bag of Egg Noodles

I combined all the ingredients (except the noodles) into a Ziplock freezer bag and pulled it out the night before I wanted to make it...put it in the crock pot for 8 hours.   I boiled the noodles when I got home from work and added it to the soup...PRESTO!  It makes 8 servings and each serving was around 180 calories...I wish I had a picture to share!  I am trying to think what else I can add to it for the next time I make it!  It was a hit with the husband...not so much the kid simply because of the veggies, but she ate it anyway!

Believe in Yourself!

This morning  as I was scrolling through my FB posts and getting caught up on the groups...someone posted a link to a video...  Now, I have seen the video before (I cried just as hard the second time around) and I have to share with you because this man is a TRUE inspiration!  I can relate to his "before" story somewhat.  I also want to have an amazing "ending" to my story as well..if you have a few minutes I encourage you to watch it, it will defiantly motivate you when you are feeling down and out!

WATCH IT HERE  ----->  Don't Ever GIVE UP!


I so needed this today!  A reminder to NEVER give up!  I have been struggling with my running...getting discouraged because I haven't been able to run any longer than 8 minutes all last week...breathing has been wacky and all my muscles feel like they just want to explode....I was having second thoughts about pressing forward.  I will finish up the C25K this week and I still can not run a mile with out stopping.  I haven't even attempted to run outside yet.  I was feeling like a cheater on the C25K program because when I tell people I am on week 8...well, I can't run the whole 25 minutes straight...and if I go back to week 7 I couldn't run the whole 22...but I went ahead to the next week when I should have repeated week 7 until I could do it.  So, even by moving on to week 9 and saying I finished the program...well, no I have not because I can not run a 5K like I should.

Well, instead of looking at what I can't do I need to look back and see how far I have come.  As far back as I can remember I have never ran for more than a few minutes at a time...and most definitely in the last 10 years no more than 90 seconds.  I have attempted C25K 3 times in the past 5 years and each time I gave up on week 3!  In October my back was so bad that walking for more than 20 minutes at a time would result in muscle spasms, pain and numbness.  Well, I don't have that problem anymore...and while I know I can commit to a solid 8 minutes of jogging on the treadmill....I have been able to go up to 15 minutes.  I have made progress...and just because it is not where I want it to be, I need to be PROUD of that and let that motivate me to keep moving forward!

Instead of finishing the program ~  I am going back to week 6.  I know I can complete week 6 so I am going to do it over.  And I will not move on from week 7 until I can do it!  I might need to create my own intervals....but gosh darn it!  I will be able to run at least 2 miles with out stopping.  I CAN DO IT! 

Kicking the Habit

So, I have been smoking since I was 23....I have tried to quit off and on over the past 10 years and it never sticks.  I have decided to quit AGAIN!  I want to quit, it is just so hard when everything pisses you off and you want to cut someone for breathing....I can't take the irratability factor.  I am not a pleasant person to be around.  The last time I tried quitting my daughter screamed "NO...MOMMY, you CAN'T quit!  You are so cranky!"  I am not going to lie, I really enjoy smoking in a social setting...if I could just be a casual smoker that would be great.  But, I need to do this to be able to run better!

Last night I had a "Come to Jesus" with myself while I was struggling on the treadmill.  I have asthma, so that makes it hard enough to run....but I know that by quitting it will make it a little bit easier.  Spring is also around the corner and that is when my asthma gets crazy and if I want to start running outdoors I need to make some serious changes.  So, come Monday (I always start everything on a Monday!) I will be ditching the cigarettes for an e-cig to start.  I have tried Chantix = that gave me the CAH-RAZIEST dreams and every time I would get a whiff of cigarette smoke I would want to vomit!  It was worse than Morning Sickness!  I tried the Patches = Itchy arm and I felt like I was on crack the first few hours of putting one on then wanted to throw up again...and that was the lowest dose!  I have tried the gum = burning sensation in the back of the throat and it tastes like shit!  So, the e-cig it is!  The longest I have ever gone was 8 months....

So, I foresee some blog posts in the future letting out some frustrations due to Nicotine withdrawals...and also imagine it will make the weight loss journey a bit tougher...but I have been at it for 2 months now and have a routine in place.  I will make myself a "Honey-Do" list and when I get the urge to smoke I will work my way down that list!

The Difference 20 lbs can make!

I hit the 20 lb. loss mark on Friday!  Looking in the mirror I didn't really see a difference.  So, I decided to try on a few items of clothing.  The first thing I tried on was a top, which the last time I tried it on was in the summer and it made me cry.  I cried because I could not get it over my belly and the summer before that shirt fit perfectly fine.  I cried because I could not believe that I had got that big to where a SHIRT wouldn't fit!  I pulled that top out and stared at it....I had to tell myself to not get disappointed if it didn't fit...and after I promised myself ....I tried it on!  This damn shirt made me cry AGAIN!  But this time I cried because IT FIT!  I was so happy that I stopped there and wore that shirt to work!  When my darling husband came home he showed me a picture he had taken of me in August.  He said "Honey, look at this picture!"  It was hideous!  My face was so fat, I look like Petunia Pig!  So, I had him forward that picture to me...and I took a picture of myself (wearing that shirt that likes to make me cry like a little sissy!) and put them next to each other!  The difference was unbelievable!  I posted it and got lots of compliments!  Friday was my day!  My husband said my face was so much skinnier...and my body was following!

So, the photo on the left was taken in August 2012.  The right was taken Friday, Feb, 1st 2013!  BIG DIFFERENCE!  So, Saturday comes around and I decided to go into my spare closet and pull out some jeans I have not been able to wear in at least 2 years.  I picked out 3 pairs - all have sentimental value - and guess what!  THEY ALL FIT!  I have to admit that I do have a bit of a muffin top ~ but I wore a pair and since I have been so use to hiding muffin top I figured "screw it"! 

Then Superbowl Sunday came...it was just the three of us at home but they wanted some snacks.  So did I!  So, I bought some Whole Wheat Sourdough bread, spinach dip, some spicy crab dip, salsa...made guacamole, had tortilla chips & crackers and a small veggie tray...oh, I also bought some cute 49er cookies...there was only 4 in the tray!  I skipped lunch and dinner and grazed all day and even had a beer...then, had a sandwich before bed!  Old habits die hard!  That was a total fat girl move.  I feel like crap today!  I did run 3 miles on Sunday so I am sure that even though in my head I was over doing it on the food....the scale shouldn't be too bad.  I didn't weigh myself this morning cause I felt like crap and didn't need to see the gain.  It is noon and I still have heart burn from yesterday.  N.E.V.E.R.A.G.A.I.N.!  I feel like going home and going to bed!  I could only imagine what I would feel like if I grazed on pizza, cookies, candy, Doritos and other common party foods...blah!  I must remember this feeling when I go to my friends' daughters' party next Saturday....

On another side note....Saturday was my W7D1 of C25K!  This week is running for 22 minutes.  I was able to do 15 minutes!  I walked for 3 minutes and then ran the last 4 minutes plus a minute of the cool down!  Sunday I did a Virtual Superbowl 5K!  Last one I did it took me almost 64 minutes...

My time Sunday was 59:48!  I shave a little over 4 minutes off...I wasn't even trying!  I was doing intervals...jog for 2 songs, walk for 1 song....and while the treadmill was a lying whore and said I barely burned 250 calories...thank the LORD I remembered to wear my body bugg....cause I burned a little over 600 calories!  I was trying to stay in the fat burning zone for my heart rate....I highly suggest that if you don't have something that can track your calories burned like a fitbit, polar or a body bugg...GET ONE!  It is well worth the investment!